Snark Alert: Hermit Writer’s Life Magazine

You know I can’t resist some good old-fashioned snark.

Hermit Writer’s Life Magazine

hermit writers life magazine issue 1Is this you: You really, really want to write that novel, but you can’t manage to do it while working for the man. Your writing is calling you, and you feel tormented. You want to sell everything and move to the middle of nowhere to answer your authorial calling. You’d make the move to writing full-time in a heartbeat if you just knew how.

Well, look no further! Hermit Writer’s Life Magazine has just launched, providing authors just like you with the information needed to make that move. Each monthly issue is packed with tips for the novice hermit-in-training to the old pros who are looking for new and interesting ways to keep things comfy.

Our staff of successful and experienced hermit authors will provide you with the tools you need to:…

Read the rest at

Posted in Humor, Nature, Writing | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Readers’ Choice Awards: The Voting Starts Now

Night Undone Cover Art

Nowadays, most book “awards” require an author to submit a book along with a hefty check to some “place” that will evaluate it and hopefully not resell your hard copy somewhere online when they’re done. Needless to say, I don’t do the award thing anymore. I don’t have an $80 entry fee lying around and I’d prefer readers judge my writing in other ways.

So, when a nomination for an award comes along that is based solely on quality – that gets my attention.  That’s what happens, once a year, at BigAl’s review site. If you’re lucky enough to be one of the books reviewed, that’s an honor in and of itself. But to then have a book nominated for an award – well… I’m tickled to death. But…it gets better.

This year, two of my books have been nominated for Readers’ Choice Awards. That is the highest compliment and honestly, I am stunned. So, BAD BOOK has been nominated in the humor category, and Night Undone in thriller.

But…that’s not all. This year, quite a few of my author friends have also been nominated. It’s wonderful to be among such talented people. Makes me feel smart.

Kudos to:

Laurie Boris for Sliding Past Vertical
Lynne Cantwell for Tapped
Nicole Storey for Blind Sight
DV Berkom for Yucatan Dead
and of course Stephen Hise and JD Mader, my co-authors of Bad Book

If I missed anyone, I apologize.

My friend Laurie Boris, who I mention above, has written a blog post featuring some of the nominees as well as instructions and links for voting.

Congratulations to all my fellow nominees and to my friends – I’m proud of you guys and honored to be amongst you! Best of luck to everyone.

Here’s Laurie’s post: Readers’ Choice Awards: The Voting Starts Now.

Posted in Publishing, Uncategorized, Writing | 8 Comments

My Rant on Squidoo

Oh, Squidoo, I thought you loved me!

Oh, Squidoo, I thought you loved me!

Edward Bulwer-Lytton supposedly said “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Clearly the dude didn’t have a sword.

In any case, if you don’t have a sword, a pen will sometimes work just as well.

Yesterday, I received an email from the social whatever-it-is that is Squidoo. I have one page (what they refer to as a lens) on their site. I did it to see what it was like to make one. It was a lot of work. You have to jump through a lot of hoops and fulfill a number of requirements in order for them to ALLOW you to publish your lens. I did them all. I’ll be honest – it was a chore. But, once my lens was published, they showered me with “good job” comments, two awards, and moving to the next level or what have you. I was under the impression lots of people would see my lens. Yeah, not so much.

I put lots of pretty pictures up there and some accompanying text. How many words do you need to describe a photograph? Not many, right? Anyway, that’s not what Squidoo now thinks for some reason. What? You want the link to the “lens”? All in due time, my friend. I’m building suspense here.

Anyway, the email from Squidoo said they were going to take my lens down. What? Huh? Why? Oh, well, I had to go to my account and read the warning to find out why. So I did. I just figured it was because I hadn’t dropped by their site for a while. But no…that wasn’t it. It seems…drum roll, please…I suck as a writer.

“Limited or low quality text” was their reason for threatening to remove my lens! Hmmm. Well, they didn’t tell me which, so I decided to respond with this tirade:

Lazy Means Lazy

Well doesn’t this beat all. I made this lens over a year ago. Squidoo even gave me some kind of award for it. I only made it because a friend told me about Squidoo, and she wrote a tutorial about how to make a lens. I needed to try it out to make sure her instructions worked. And they did. And, we got Squidoo a decent amount of traffic in the process. The Squidoo founders even stopped by and thanked us. I guess *that* honeymoon is over.Now, mind you, when I made this lens, it passed all the criteria. Squidoo won’t let you publish a lens unless you fulfill all their requirements. So, I was a good little Squidooer and made sure I did that. I wanted the world to see all my pretty pictures.BUT….that’s right, cue the ominous music…TODAY, 2/24/2014, I got an email threatening to take my lens down! Oh, the humanity! Because of – get this – minimal or low quality writing. Yikesamundo. I’m the author of 25 books, and I’ve even won a couple of awards here and there. I dunno how many, they may be hanging next to the velvet Elvis painting over one of the gold-plated toilets in one of the many bathrooms in one of my many mansions. Because you know, I make a gazillion dollars a year and stuff. Mostly stuff.

I am hurt, stricken to my core with the betrayal of the Squidoo I so dearly trusted. *sigh*

There are two definitions that your “bot” is clearly not familiar with, my dearest Squidoo. Snark is the first. My writing is loaded with it. In snark, less is more. If you’re a woman, you’ve probably heard that before. If you’re a man, you’ve probably heard it but already forgotten it because you weren’t really paying attention.

The other word your bot needs to familiarize itself with is LAZY. I write like 50 billion words a day in my award-winning, best-selling, megabuck-making novels – and I’m tired. Do you really think if I am lazy enough to sit in my dining room and take pictures of wildlife from my comfy chair that I’m going to write another 10 billion words describing them? Look, let’s negotiate here. A picture tells a thousand words, right? Then get your abacus out and add up all the photographs on this lens. I don’t remember how many are here. But, let’s err on the side of conservative and say 10. I’m being quite generous here, you realize. 10 times 1000 equals 10,000. So please just add the spirit of those ten thousand words to the sum total of this lens and we should be all hunky-dory, whatever that means. I’m a pretend celebrity, for crying out loud.

Okay, I hope we’ve gotten this all straightened out. Please feel free to contact me through my fan club website to tell me what an awesome job I did adding top quality writing to my lens. Oh, don’t mind the small fee to join the fan club. It’s nothing, really. You can pay it with PayPal, American Express, Visa, Mastercard, Discover Card, Amazon giftcard, food stamps, or Golden Corral gift certificates. Have a great day.

So there you have it. If you’d like to check out my lens, the photographs, the slideshow, and all the other HARD work I went through to put it up, please do. I won’t even charge you admission. ;)

Posted in Humor, Photography, Writing | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Happy Holidays – My Gift to You All

First ChaptersOkay, okay, I can’t take full credit for this. The gift isn’t just from me – it’s also from twenty-one other authors. Today through December 27, 2013, First Chapters is free on all channels.

You’ve got suspense, science-fiction, drama, action, mystery, and all sorts of good stuff between these virtual covers.

So here are some links for you – I hope you enjoy the wide variety of styles and genres!

Happy Holidays!

Amazon USUKCanadaGermany
See more about the book, including a trailer video.

Posted in Writing | Tagged , | 6 Comments

Holiday Update

snowy viewHappy Holidays, all you nice people! There has been lots going on up here in my hidden wilderness mountain lair.

Yesterday, I did a wonderful interview with the Illinois Farm Bureau’s RFD Radio about Mr. Pish’s newest book: Mr. Pish Goes to the Farm, and the new companion app. If you missed the live radio show, you can listen here – I spent a lot of time putting images with that audio. Call me kookie. And the hosts did a phenomenal job. It may actually be the best interview I’ve ever done. So aren’t you curious now? Click the link. You know you want to listen!

By the way, did I mention that the Mr. Pish Goes to the Farm eBook is on sale for 99 cents through the holidays? (So are Postcards from Mr. Pish Volumes 3 and 4.) And the companion app is also just 99 cents at iTunes. Play the first few frames for free. I made it myself. Well, except for the programming. But the rest was me.

Also on sale – but this week only – is Triple Dog Dare – a light romantic comedy inspired by Mr. Pish. It’s “Book of the Week” on the nice site, and is featured today on

Lots of other good stuff is happening – got a lovely feature story in Maryland’s Star Democrat, in Chewelah’s Independent, and hopefully some other periodicals I’ve missed. I’ll have those articles up on Mr. Pish’s website soon.

Speaking of websites, did you know that both Mr. Pish’s and mine were completely revamped this year? I bet you didn’t even notice. And I did it all myself. Yeesh. You can check those out at and

I hope 2013 has been good for you. If not, I hope 2014 is better. If you would like to make my 2013 better, please tell your friends about my books. A girl’s gotta make a living, you know.

Happy Holidays to All!

Happy Holidays to All!

Posted in Children's Books, Education, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Indies Unlimited: SUPERBLOG!

That’s right – Indies Unlimited is kind of a big deal. If you didn’t realize it, now we have proof. Short article, big impact. Check it out.

Link | Posted on by | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Awesome Authors–K.S. Brooks


Well, I’ve just filled my one blog interview a year quota for 2013. If you’re brave, and unafraid of the weapons-grade snark, then read on. If you are scared, turn back now. It could get ugly.

Originally posted on DV Berkom Books:

Today I am forced get to interview the curmudgeonly fabulous K.S. Brooks, multi-talented, multi-genre author and co-administrator of the global powerhouse that is Indies Unlimited. (Full disclosure: I am a contributing minion and I had to resort to extortion KS has graciously agreed to allow me an extra ration of gruel for posting this travesty interview.) What follows is the bio her hockey playing pool boy sent for me to use. I would be remiss if I didn’t warn you gentle readers that this insaneconcoction information could possibly be true–or not. Just remember, we’re talking about K.S. Brooks here. Consider yourself warned…

KS BrooksK.S. Brooks is an award-winning novelist and photographer, author of twenty-two titles, and co-administrator of the multi-author, multi-national website She is the creator of the Mr. Pish educational children’s book series as well as the Agent Night suspense series. Brooks’ feature articles…

View original 1,845 more words

Posted in Humor, Publishing, Writing | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment