Well Shiver Me Two by Fours

Being low man (woman) on the totem pole at a construction site is kind of like being on a pirate ship.  I swab the deck, bail out the rain, go below and walk the plank.  I fetch the libations, pick up after the crew and keep the site ship-shape. 

I believe all lackeys on job sites with full basements should wear an eye patch.  It was shown plausible on “Mythbusters Episode 71:  Pirate Special” that pirates wore eye patches to preserve night vision in one eye.  (http://mythbustersresults.com/epsode71)  That would make it much easier to see when running down “below” to get nails and glue, and would therefore reduce the risk of banging your head into any supports or tripping over supplies.

Pirate songs would also be good to sing while sweeping water off the work platform and especially out of the basement.  When you are down below, in the dark, dank, flooded basement, your voice echoes and it’s awfully lonely.  What better way to liven it up than by chanting “fifteen men on a dead man’s chest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum”?

Of course there are no stairs going up to the platform, so you are constantly walking up and down a plank.  It’s hard to get more pirate-like than that. 

Big boots like pirates wore would also be convenient.  Mud?  No problem – big pirate boots.  Lots of rain?  No problem – big pirate boots.  Concrete?  Bugs?  Dust?  Renaissance Fair?  No problem!  Buckles are optional.

I’m not yet certain how a parrot would prove useful, but I’m working on it.

Something to cut with, like a cutlass or sword, is always a handy thing to have around.  On a job site, the smaller derivation, known as a utility knife, might be a better choice. 

And tell me what big job site doesn’t have a flag?  From the tops of cranes and the skeletons of new skyscrapers you will almost always see the red white and blue flying.  Speaking of skeletons, I think I’ll hoist the Jolly Roger. 

There are more similes, metaphors, comparisons and hypotheses, but I won’t bore you with them all.  I believe I’ve made my point.  Now it’s time to get back to work.  Aye, matey, it’s a pirate’s life for me!

P.S.  Don’t forget International Talk Like A Pirate Day, every year on September 19thhttp://www.talklikeapirate.com/

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About ksbrooks

K.S. Brooks is an award-winning writer and photographer, author of more than thirty titles, and administrator of the multi-national, multi-author, award-winning site Indies Unlimited. Brooks’ feature articles, poetry, and photography have appeared in magazines, newspapers, books, and other publications both in the U.S. and abroad. For more about K.S. Brooks, visit www.ksbrooks.com.
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One Response to Well Shiver Me Two by Fours

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