What I Learned from the Movie “Deep Blue Sea”

Okay, so I’m a little late for Shark Week. Or am I just really, really early? Back in 1999, I watched the movie “Deep Blue Sea.” Way the hell back in 1999, you wonder? Absolutely. I’ve held grudges longer than that, believe me. In any case, I just came across a little something I wrote after I watched it, and thought I would share just in case this thing is in your Netflix queue…

20 Things I Learned from the Movie “Deep Blue Sea”

  1. 50-foot-long sharks can navigate difficult areas while swimming in water only 3-feet-deep.
  2. Really smart sharks can tell the difference between titanium fencing and steel fencing just by eyeballing it.
  3. It’s okay to enlarge a 50-foot-long shark’s brain as long as you don’t do it genetically. That makes it bad.
  4. Smoking is very bad for you. Not only could you lose a lung, but also possibly the hand and arm that’s holding the cigarette.
  5. It’s okay to play with your food.
  6. If you are bitten in half by a 50-foot-long shark, you’ll be in tact and okay as long as you stab it in the eye with a cross while praying loudly.
  7. If you’re trying to defend yourself against a 50-foot-long shark, a frying pan is the weapon of choice. Toss that axe away!
  8. A floating compound/building can be completely demolished and still have full power.
  9. Really smart 50-foot-long sharks can locate a Zip disk, munch it without destroying the Ziploc bag it’s in, and not swallow it, then leave it so it can be conveniently and symbolically found.
  10. Even in life-threatening situations, manly men only get mad at women once they realize they’ve been used.
  11. If a rescue helicopter doesn’t return from a mission, no back-up will ever be sent.
  12. When a 50-foot-long shark is coming at you, don’t try to climb out of the water. It’ll be okay, really. Especially if you’ve got a cross. And you pray.
  13. Smart sharks can instantly heal the eye which was just stabbed with a cross.
  14. When you’re trapped in a collapsing building, you miraculously no longer need to wear your glasses in order to see better.
  15. Even if you’re really rich, you can still get killed if you’re stupid.
  16. A Leavenworth ex-convict and a structural engineer have sufficient strength to close a door against TONS of water pressure. Repeatedly.
  17. A floating compound’s escape routes should always be as convoluted and inconvenient as possible.
  18. Electrocuting a shark is far better accomplished in your underwear.
  19. Multimillionaire top executives of pharmaceutical companies resist the trend to carry a satellite cellular phone.
  20. Really smart sharks know where and how to turn the gas back on for your building.

MORAL OF THIS STORY: Stay away from really smart 50-foot-long sharks. And Samuel L. Jackson really is in every movie.

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About ksbrooks

K.S. Brooks is an award-winning writer and photographer, author of more than thirty titles, and administrator of the multi-national, multi-author, award-winning site Indies Unlimited. Brooks’ feature articles, poetry, and photography have appeared in magazines, newspapers, books, and other publications both in the U.S. and abroad. For more about K.S. Brooks, visit www.ksbrooks.com.
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4 Responses to What I Learned from the Movie “Deep Blue Sea”

  1. Stephanie Brooks says:

    OMG, is that funny! I saw that movie a long time ago & I’m ashamed to say that because it was soooo bad I remember it in more detail than some of the good movies I’ve seen recently.
    And, Sweet Pea, you are write on!
    (Yes, I spelled it ‘write’ as a pun, lol!)
    I love your sense of humor. This list is hysterical !

  2. acflory says:

    lmao – I am sooooo glad I never watched this movie. 😀

  3. avcarden says:

    Hate to admit I’ve watched it a couple of times and you are right about all the above.
    The best one is the 50ft shark swimming around the base in a few feet of water!
    Funny post! 😀

    • ksbrooks says:

      A barely remember the movie at all at this point – except for the guys holding the door open against the force of the water and the cigarette/arm incident. LOL

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